Doing the “right thing” is often wrong

Why trying to fix things makes them worse — and what to do instead

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Hey there,

I hope your last week was filled with positive energy.

Today, I want to talk about an idea that has been deeply ingrained in our society: the idea of "doing the right thing."

You try to help.
They pull away.
You meant well—so why does it hurt?

From childhood, we’re taught to do the right thing. To fix. To guide. To save. And while this may sound like a noble goal, it can sometimes lead us down a path of frustration and disappointment.

You try to help a friend, but they feel criticized and pull away.
You push your child to succeed, and they become anxious and resentful.
You try to “save” someone, but they grow dependent on you instead of finding their own strength.

And what happens then?

You end up feeling guilty, resentful, and exhausted.

But why does this happen? Why does trying to do the right thing often lead to negative outcomes?

As human beings, we have a natural desire to fix things and make them better. We want to help others, solve problems, and create positive change in the world. However, this desire often blinds us to the true complexity of situations and leads us to oversimplify them.

We are quick to jump into action without fully understanding the root causes of problems. We try to fix things in a surface-level way, without taking into account the deeper underlying issues.

But I find that the most striking realization isn’t that we try to control every aspect of our lives.

It’s recognizing what we lose in the process.

How many moments of stillness passed us by because we were consumed by worry?
How many connections went unnoticed because we were too preoccupied with our own plans?
How many times did we overlook the beauty in the everyday because we were focused on fixing what isn’t broken?

So is it possible that, in trying to "do the right thing," we may actually be making things worse? And that our good intentions may not always lead to the best outcomes?

But how can we act with true wisdom and avoid the trap of trying to fix everything?

Daoism teaches us to embrace complexity and flow with the natural rhythms of life. It reminds us that sometimes, the best course of action is to simply let things be.

Imagine standing by a river, watching the water rush past.

When we see debris floating by, our instinct might be to jump in and pull it out, believing we are helping to clean the current. Yet, the river has its own way of carrying things:

Sorting.
Settling.
And moving at its own pace.

By interfering, we risk disrupting the flow, stirring up what might naturally settle, or even being swept away ourselves.

True wisdom, perhaps, is recognizing when to step back, trusting the river to find its course.

So, instead of trying to fix every problem we come across, we can learn to accept things as they are. And focus on our own inner growth and development. By cultivating a sense of stillness and detachment, we can better observe and understand the complexities of a situation before taking action.

We can also learn to let go of our attachment to outcomes. We often have expectations of how things should turn out. And when they don't meet those expectations, we become frustrated or disappointed. But by releasing our attachment to specific outcomes, we open ourselves up to new possibilities. And we may even find that the natural flow of events leads us to a better outcome than what we initially envisioned.

Of course, this doesn't mean turning a blind eye to injustice or neglecting our responsibilities. But rather approaching them with a deeper understanding and a more mindful perspective.

In essence, true wisdom is about finding balance between taking action and trusting in the natural flow of life.

This approach can take many forms in your own life.

Maybe it's taking a step back and letting someone else handle a situation.
Maybe it's simply focusing on your own self-growth instead of trying to change others.
Maybe it’s just about accepting that some situations are complicated and that there isn’t always a clear solution.

Whatever form it may take, remember that sometimes, doing the "right" thing means doing nothing at all.

So, next time you find yourself trying to "do the right thing," take a step back and reflect on whether your actions are truly aligned with the situation at hand. Embrace the complexity, trust in the process, and let wisdom guide your path.

And remember: sometimes doing less can actually lead to more positive outcomes.

In the end, true wisdom isn’t about “doing the right thing.”

It’s about knowing when to act, when to wait, and when to let go.

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Weekly Reflection

What’s one moment this week when I rushed to fix something but maybe didn’t need to?

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🍵 Thank you for reading!

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you! I hope they bring you a moment of reflection and a touch of peace.

Until next time: act, wait, or let go.

– Zhenya

P.S. If you're new here, it's nice to meet you! I invite you to check out the past editions to get a sense of what my Teacup is all about.

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🌊 Where can you flow next?

The Way of the Dao: This course is a structured, easy-to-follow introduction to Daoism. It's designed to help you apply its wisdom in a practical way.

My Daoist Mentorship: This is a highly personalized, one-on-one written mentorship. Designed for those who want to step onto a timeless path of self-mastery, inner balance, and effortless flow.