Why chasing happiness makes you miserable

The more you search for happiness, the further it runs from you

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Hey there,

I hope your week was both rewarding and filled with happiness.

This is actually also the topic I want to talk about today. Happiness.

Everyone wants to be happy, right?

We spend our lives chasing happiness. Through achievements, relationships, money, experiences. We believe that if we just reach the next milestone, we’ll finally feel fulfilled.

I’ll be happy when I get that promotion.
I’ll be happy when I meet the right person.
I’ll be happy when I have more money, more freedom, more time…

But have you ever noticed that when you finally get what you wanted, the happiness doesn’t last?

For a moment, it feels amazing. Then, like sand slipping through your fingers, the feeling fades. Soon, you’re chasing something new.

But why does happiness always seem just out of reach?

Because chasing happiness is the very thing that makes it impossible to catch.

The harder we try to be happy, the more we suffer.

What excites you today will bore you tomorrow. The mind quickly adapts. That dream job, that new house, that perfect partner. Soon, they become normal. And the search for happiness starts again.

Happiness isn’t always in the future. If you believe happiness depends on something you don’t have yet, you’ll never feel content now.

Chasing creates anxiety. The more desperately you search for happiness, the more afraid you become of not finding it.

This endless cycle of seeking, achieving, and still feeling unsatisfied is called the hedonic treadmill. It’s like running on a treadmill that never stops. You keep moving, but you never get anywhere. The more you run, the more the finish line moves.

But what's the solution?

How can we find happiness without looking for it?

There are many ways. But let me share some ideas from the Daoist perspective with you:

Trade desire for presence.

Most people think happiness comes from getting something or somewhere. But in reality, it comes from being here. Fully. In this moment.

So, instead of thinking, “I’ll be happy when I get __,” try asking, “What can I appreciate right now?”

Instead of longing for the future, slow down and notice the small joys—the taste of your coffee, the warmth of the sun, the sound of laughter.

When you stop looking for happiness elsewhere, you realize it was always here.

Stop resisting what is.

A huge source of misery is wanting life to be different than it is.

We resist discomfort.
We resist difficult emotions.
We resist anything that doesn’t match our idea of happiness.

But the more you resist, the more you suffer. Try going with the flow instead. This means:

If life isn’t going as planned, trust that it’s unfolding as it should.
If you’re sad, allow sadness instead of forcing happiness.
If things are uncertain, let go of the need for control.

When you accept what is, instead of always wanting what isn’t, peace naturally arises.

Let joy come and go, like the seasons.

Happiness isn’t meant to be constant. Like the seasons, it comes and goes.

One day you feel light and free. Another day, you feel heavy and lost. Both are natural.

Instead of clinging to happiness and fearing sadness, treat emotions like passing weather.

When happiness comes, enjoy it.
When sadness comes, don’t panic. It won’t stay forever.
When life is uncertain, trust that change is part of the rhythm of existence.

Ironically, when you stop demanding happiness, you create space for it to return.

The less you try to be happy, the happier you become.

Happiness isn’t something to chase. It’s something that naturally appears when you stop running after it.

Imagine a still pond. When the water is calm, it reflects the sky perfectly. But if you thrash around, trying to grab that reflection, you disturb the water and lose the image.

This is how happiness works.

It appears in stillness, not in struggle.
It's not something you find. It’s something you allow.
It’s in the ordinary moments. The quiet ones. The ones we overlook when we’re too busy chasing something “better.”

If you stop chasing, you’ll realize: you were never missing anything at all.

Happiness is here, if you stop running away from it.

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Weekly Reflection

What have I been chasing in my life that has left me feeling unsatisfied?

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🍵 Thank you for reading!

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you! I hope they bring you a moment of reflection and a touch of peace.

Until next time, stay happy.

– Zhenya

P.S. If you're new here, it's nice to meet you! I invite you to check out the past editions to get a sense of what my Teacup is all about.

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