Lesson 6: The Dao of Relationships

How to bring softness, strength, and presence to your connections

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Hey there,

how are you doing today?

Have you already had the chance to harmonize your environment?

If so, how do you feel? Have you noticed any changes?

I'm really interested in your progress, so if you'd like, you can share your experience with me by leaving a comment below.

Now, let's dive into our topic for this lesson: the dao of relationships.

Relationships are such an important part of our lives. They bring love, support, and connection. But they can also lead to conflict and tension if things aren’t balanced. It's no wonder we all want strong, healthy relationships—whether it’s with a partner, family, friends, or coworkers.

So, how do we maintain that balance through life's ups and downs?

The key lies in the concept yin yang (阴阳). By now, you should be familiar with this concept, but let's take a moment to refresh our understanding:

Yin and yang are two opposing forces that represent balance in the universe. They work together and balance each other out, like light and dark or hot and cold. You can find this concept in:

• Traditional Chinese Medicine (to balance the body's energy)

• Chinese metaphysics (to balance the elements in a space or person's life)

• Chinese philosophy (to balance one's way of living)

• Martial arts (to balance physical and mental strength)

• And other areas

So, how does this relate to relationships?

The same way the Yin Yang idea brings balance to the universe, it can also bring balance to different areas of life, including relationships.

But how does it work?

First, let’s take a closer look at the concept of Yin and Yang in relationships:

In relationships, Yin and Yang represent the masculine and feminine energies in all of us. And it's not about gender but rather qualities and characteristics.

Masculine energy (yang), for example, is defined by traits like:

• Logic

• Action

• Strength

• Firmness

• Assertiveness

• Independence

Feminine energy (yin) is often linked to:

• Intuition

• Emotion

• Empathy

• Nurturing

• Sensitivity

• Compassion

In today’s world, there’s a strong focus on masculine energy—traits like independence, taking charge, and staying strong. We often overlook or perceive feminine energy as a weakness. People also often forget that every individual has both energies within themselves. Regardless of gender.

And a truly balanced relationship needs both energies.

Think about it this way:

Have you ever been in a relationship where one person always takes charge and makes all the decisions?

Where one person's emotions are dismissed or suppressed?

Or where one person always gives and the other always takes?

These imbalances can create resentment, spark conflicts, and eventually lead to the relationship falling apart.

On the flip side, when both energies are balanced, it creates a harmonious relationship where both people feel heard, understood, and valued.

But what can it look like when these energies are out of balance?

If you have too much yang energy, you might come across as controlling or even aggressive. On the other hand, too much yin energy can make you overly emotional or passive. In relationships, an imbalance of yang might mean you end up dominating your partner. And too much yin can make you overly dependent on others or blur your personal boundaries.

I think you get the point.

The key is finding balance between the two energies. And this can look different for every relationship.

So, how can you put this idea into practice to find balance and build better relationships?

First, it’s important to understand your own "primary" energy type and your partner’s. Awareness is the first step to finding balance. Looking at your Day Pillar through bazi can give you some great insights into your core energy and essence.

Then, talk openly and honestly with your partner about the idea of Yin and Yang. And how you can both work together to create a healthy balance in your relationship. Try to consciously bring both energies into your decisions, communication, and other parts of your relationship.

For example:

• Take turns making choices

• Respect each other’s boundaries and personal space

• Actively listen to each other’s views instead of brushing them off

• Challenge each other to bring out the best qualities of both energies in different situations

• Check in on each other’s feelings and offer support when one of you is feeling down or vulnerable

You can also try adding activities that boost either feminine or masculine energy, depending on what you need. For example:

• Feeling overwhelmed? Rebalance your yin energy through practices like mindfulness, meditation, Qi Gong, journaling, or simply spending time in nature. Choose the approaches that resonates most with you to restore calm and clarity.

• Feeling too passive? Bring out your yang energy with physical activities like sports, martial arts. Or you can also set boundaries and take charge of a task. Find ways that feel natural to you.

There are endless ways to bring balance to your relationship using the Yin Yang concept. The key is to be aware and intentional about it. That means if you want change, you must implement these practices into your daily routine:

• If you want to practice mindfulness, schedule a set time every day to do it

• If you struggle with setting boundaries, start by practicing saying "no" in small situations and build up from there

• If you want to maintain open communication, make sure to schedule regular check-ins with your partner (and be honest!)

Balance is not about becoming one energy over the other but rather finding harmony between them. And this can take time and practice. But if you want stronger and healthier relationships, it's worth the effort.

And remember: the Yin Yang concept isn’t limited to one area of life. You can apply it to nearly everything. By bringing balance to yourself, you can bring balance to all aspects of your being and create a more fulfilling, harmonious life. You can start by practicing in your relationships, but you don't have to stop there. Explore how Yin and Yang can help you bring balance to other areas of your life as well. Here are a few ideas to get started:

Career/Business

• Integrate both creativity (yin) and structure (yang) in your work

• Find a balance between intuition (yin) and taking action (yang) in decision-making

• Try building relationships and collaboration (yin) rather than fostering competition (yang)

Health/Wellness

• Incorporate rest and relaxation (yin) along with physical activity (yang)

• Balance your diet with both nourishing (yin) and strengthening (yang) foods

• Practice mindfulness and self-care to balance your mental and emotional well-being (yin) with physical health (yang)

Personal Development

• Find a balance between self-reflection (yin) and taking action (yang)

• Balance self-compassion and forgiveness (yin) with self-discipline and accountability (yang) for a more well-rounded approach to personal growth

• Know when to take a step back and recharge (yin) to avoid burnout, but also when to push yourself and step out of your comfort zone (yang) to grow

Spirituality

• Discover your inner self (yin) and explore the world around you (yang) to grow and evolve

• Find balance between personal practices (yin) and group/community involvement (yang) in your spiritual journey

• Mix activities that help you feel calm and grounded (yin), like meditation or Qi Gong, with ones that inspire growth and exploration (yang), like trying out new spiritual practices or beliefs

These are just a few examples of how the Yin Yang concept can show up in different parts of life. There are so many ways to bring this idea into your daily routine. The trick is to find what feels right for you, stay mindful of balance, and work these practices into your lifestyle in a way that makes sense for you.

But keep in mind that balance doesn’t always mean splitting things evenly. It’s about finding a flow and harmony between the two energies.

So, make it a habit to think about where things might feel a bit out of balance in your life and how you can apply the Yin Yang concept to create more harmony.

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow for lesson 7—can’t believe it’s already the last lesson!

Until then, stay balanced.

– Zhenya

P.S. If you missed the last lesson on harmonizing the environment, you can catch up here: The Dao of the Environment. Make sure you're up to speed before we dive into the last lesson.