Imagine holding a hot coal, planning to throw it at someone else
That’s what holding on to anger really feels like (and why letting go frees you first)
Hola,
I hope your week had moments where trust felt a little easier. Either trusting someone else, or simply trusting yourself.
Last time, we talked about how trust expands your world. This week, let’s look at something that shrinks it:
Anger. And what happens when you refuse to put it down.
Here’s the thing:
A hot coal burns the hand that clings to it.
Not the hand it aims for.
We all know this intuitively. But in the moment? It’s shockingly easy to forget.
So let’s slow down for a minute and look at anger with a bit more clarity.
What is anger, really?
In many Eastern traditions, anger is described as a kind of mental blindness. A moment where the ego tightens its grip on how life should be.
You expect something. Life delivers something else. And suddenly:
Frustration.
Tension.
Heat behind the eyes.
Eventually: anger.
Not because life is cruel…
but because it failed to obey the script in your head.
And when anger takes over, your mind narrows.
You stop seeing clearly.
You start reacting, not responding.
This is why so many people say things they regret.
It’s not a moral failure.
It’s a moment of confusion.
A moment where the coal starts burning your own hand.
So what happens if I let go?
Letting go isn’t passive.
It isn’t weakness.
It isn’t “letting someone get away with something.”
It’s simply this:
Choosing not to set yourself on fire to prove a point.
When you release anger, you drop the illusion that controlling another person will give you peace.
It never does.
The moment you let go, something shifts:
Your mind clears.
Your decisions improve.
Your relationships stop feeling like emotional battlegrounds.
Letting go is a kind of purification: less smoke, more clarity.
Okay, but how do I actually let go?
Try starting with this:
1. Step out of the scene.
Imagine you’re watching a movie, not starring in it.
Observe the emotion instead of being swallowed by it.
“Oh, there’s anger rising.”
Not “I am angry.”
That small distance already cools the flame.
2. Look for the root, not the trigger.
Anger rarely comes from the moment itself.
It comes from an expectation that wasn’t met.
Someone didn’t act the way you wanted.
Something didn’t unfold the way you hoped.
Seeing this clearly loosens anger’s grip.
3. Accept reality as it is, not as you wish it were.
Acceptance doesn’t mean approval.
It just means:
“This is what’s happening right now.”
From that grounded place, you respond better. Wiser. Calmer.
But this isn’t a “one and done” skill.
Letting go takes practice, like training a muscle at the mental gym.
But the more you practice, the faster you notice the early signs:
the tightening chest,
the heat in the face,
the inner storm forming.
And the easier it becomes to put the coal down before it burns you.
Don’t be hard on yourself
Anger is a natural emotion. A human one.
We all have triggers. We all have moments where our clarity gets hijacked.
Feeling anger doesn’t mean you’re failing. Clinging to anger is the part that hurts you. And you always have the option, in every moment, to loosen your grip.
So the next time you feel that inner fire rising, try this:
Pause. Notice. And choose not to be the one who gets burned.
That’s where the real freedom begins.
Weekly Reflection
What’s one small trigger for anger I can release right now?
🍵 Thank you for reading!
Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you! I hope this brought you a pause — not just in your day, but in your spirit. If it did, consider sharing it with someone else who feels quietly depleted.
Until next time, loosen your grip.
— Zhenya